It had been a rough couple of days. I had been confused, angry and frustrated with everyone. I just couldn’t figure out what everyone’s problem was. Parenting seemed exceptionally hard that week and I was having a terrible time considering my Hubby and loving others well. That night, I hastily tucked the kids into bed and ran a steaming hot bath. It was finally ME time. Now I could really think. As I settled into my glorious Calgon moment, God spoke. God convicted.
“So what you’re saying is that ALL this time I was frustrated and annoyed, it had to do with the sin in MY very own heart Lord!?” Humbling… Apparently when chaos ensues on the outside, it is directly related to the chaos going on on the inside. I immediately repented (not always the case just FYI) and sought forgiveness that was already there waiting from my loving Savior. He is so gracious to convict us of sin and to draw us to repentance.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
He graciously reminded me that living for eternity was costly. It costs us something. So expensive in fact that it cost Jesus his very LIFE, so that we might live.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. 1 Peter 2:24a
Here I am just having a 2-year-old temper tantrum about the intentional laying down of my time and the cost of my comforts when Jesus died for that very thing. How incredibly humbling. This calling to be a wife and mother has proven to be incredibly sanctifying. The challenge to love, honor and respect my Husband as we intentionally share the gospel and disciple and train in our very own home has been an exceptional avenue by which God has revealed much of my weakness, sin and great need for my King. I’m learning that there is such freedom in submitting to Christ’s calling as I let go of sin and seek eternal things. This season has also been the very place I have learned about incredible forgiveness and grace.
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17
The next morning It was early and the fog was still rolling through as I drove down the winding familiar roads to school. The kids were in the back cackling away…more chipper than necessary at 7:45am. Hues of gold, orange and red had laced the landscape for weeks now as we welcomed November. We came upon a bend in the road near one of our favorite parks, I noticed that this particular week the park trees were much more bare compared to the previous. So bare in fact, that I could actually see clear through them down to the river. I could see clearer now more than ever. I couldn’t help but think of what a beautiful picture that was of our hearts.
The trees are so predictably open to the change God brings with the next season, freely letting go of the dead in anticipation to the new life that is to come.
Often times we want to hang on to the dead things thinking that in those things resides joy and life, but we are so deceived. As we repent and let go of the sin we can then see much clearer. Just like when I could see clear down to the river. Unrepentant Sin only obstructs our vision and suffocates any newness of life to be had.
What is it today that needs to fall away? Seek repentance friend and let it go. I can tell you that real joy and life can only be found through our faithful and loving God who is the giver of forgiveness and LIFE! The forgiveness He so graciously gives is not only just a seasonal Fall forgiveness, but a forever forgiveness. It truly is so lovely to let the dead things go and to see more clearly as God brings forth new life in us.
Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, Acts 3:19-20a