If My Child Ever Says: “I’m gay.”

The other day on Facebook one of my friends shared a video and the caption read:“‘What did you think when I told you I was gay?’ Some laughs and hugs are shared between fathers and their kids.”

The video was heartwarming and sweet… and filled with the way my flesh would want to respond if my child ever said: “Mom, I’m gay.” But I don’t live by the flesh.

And then this article came out about Jen Hatmaker celebrating homosexuality. At one point in the interview she was asked: “how would you respond if one of your children were gay?” She replied: “I think we would parent that child exactly the same as the rest of them. Which is to say, we would always be on their side and in their corner and for them and with them. We want for all of our kids the same thing: faithful, committed marriage and a beautiful family that is committed to God and the church. I would have the same standard across the board, no matter what.”

Because of these sorts of things popping up more and more in our world it is important that we know how we would respond if our own child said: “I’m gay.”

“So I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary the flesh. They are opposed to one another.” Galatians 5:16-17

You see, it breaks my heart to picture having that conversation with my child because my flesh wants to respond like these parents did saying things like: “Just be who you are.” or “I always knew you were gay, I’m glad you are finally coming out and letting everyone officially know.” or “It’s your choice.”

But here’s the deal, if my child came to me and said: “Mom, I’m a liar and I am going to fully accept that and embrace it because it’s how I was born.” or “Mom, I am a thief, always have been always will be and there’s no sense fighting it any longer.” or “Mom, I’m a drunk. I crave alcohol day and night and I’m tired of struggling against it. It’s time for me to come out as the drunkard I am and be proud of it!” If one of my children said anything like that to me I would be crushed because what they are saying to me is: “Mom, I am no longer going to fight my flesh or live by the Spirit. I am going to fully gratify my fleshly desires and everything it craves. I no longer will die to self and seek to walk by the Spirit. I am choosing to not live for Christ but for myself. ” 

“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.… 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Look at the list in there of those who will not inherit the kingdom of God: the sexually immoral, the adulterer, homosexuals, thieves, drunkards etc. It’s not that homosexuality is worse than all those things. It’s that the church and others are openly embracing this sin (even in their own children) while still being opposed to their children being drunks, thieves, greedy etc. 

This is what I would say if my child said: “I’m gay.”

“Honey, I love you with all my heart and I want the very best for you. But do you know who loves you even more? Your Creator. The Lord Almighty. The very One that formed you in my womb! He loves you more than me and He knows even better than I do what is best for you and His best for you is not to live in and embrace homosexuality just as His best for you is not to live in and embrace whatever other fleshly desires and cravings you have. We all, Mommy included, have to make that choice daily to walk according to the Spirit and not the flesh. We all have to daily take up our cross and follow Him knowing that whatever temporary cravings our flesh have are not worth sacrificing our eternal state. If you choose to openly walk in the homosexual lifestyle you must recognize you are openly saying: ‘I don’t want to follow Christ. I want to follow my flesh. I don’t want to inherit the kingdom of God but I want to follow the father of lies.’”

Satan is doing a terrifying work in the hearts of men and women and their view of sin. Not only in the world but also in the hearts of those who claim to be Christian. But don’t forget this: “…there is no truth in him, whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

We don’t get to decide what is sinful and what is not. God does. That is part of what makes Him God. Satan, the father of lies, is doing everything in his power to make what God says is sin something we embrace and say: “no, that is not a sin”. Unfortunately, he is having a great deal of success.

Do not be deceived dear children and parents. The loving action is to rebuke sin in our children’s lives and point them toward Christ, not condone their sin and point them toward the path of destruction.

14 thoughts on “If My Child Ever Says: “I’m gay.”

  1. Amen! Well-written and well-said! That is a perfect response. This is serious business, and we must all stand strong in love and faith against the enemy.If our kids confess they’re gay, they need our love and support more than ever–support in helping them in they’re battle against sin. Thank you for writing this!

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  2. Behavior seems to be one thing; sexual orientation is another. I’m a Christian who is attracted to the same sex but who is celibate…and I’m not sure your article makes room for people like me. I trust Christ, I hold a to the traditional, Biblical sexual ethic. I don’t think one has to say “Whatever you do is ok with God,” but I also don’t think one loves by speaking the truth. One can be truthful and unkind. Mercifully, one can be truthful and kind–kindness is not the result of lies.

    So…does your view have room for me?

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    1. Thank you Dave for commenting. My view does leave room for you. I would say I am still a liar. Unfortunately the sin of lying reigns in me and I actively fight the temptation to lie everyday. You are attracted to men. You are actively fighting that temptation by remaining celibate. Are you plugged into a solid church? Fellowship is so important and helps us mightily in fighting the battle against sin. Does that answer your question? -Katie

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      1. I am an active member of a Presbyterian Church in America congregation in St. Louis, so I do have solid fellowship and discipleship. I have an MDiv from Covenant Seminary and am looking to go into full-time ministry as the Lord directs, hopefully as an associate pastor.

        I know that the term “gay” is loaded…but frankly, so is “same-sex attracted.” I do use ‘celibate gay Christian’ as helpful shorthand (I do get that not everyone finds it helpful, but I do…and many of the guys I talk to do as well) because most of the time when someone asks, “Are you gay?”, they aren’t referring to how active your sex life is; they’re usually asking who you find yourself attracted to.

        I do see what you mean and I appreciate your response. I think there is a difference between a male offspring saying, “I’m gay” and “Mom, I have a boyfriend.” I think I see a distinction in your response to me that I really didn’t hear in the initial post, so I appreciate the clarification. Blessings!

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  3. As the parent of a son who did ‘come out’ to us when he was 19, I can tell you you are shocked speechless. The your mind starts and you think all the Christian things you know. All the scriptures, the thought of hell and of having no grandchildren from that child. Then your heart says ‘love’. Love your child no matter what. The numbers of gay kids who commit suicide is astounding. He is 31 now and is still single but also still gay. We love him and want him to be happy. It is easy to think you would say perfect Christian things but when it knocks on your door it is a whole other ballgame. Christ loves my son even more than I do. My son does not serve the Lord because of the hate that is spewed in churches. We must love above all else.

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  4. Knowing that I have sinned and fallen short of God’s perfect will for my life many times in many areas of my behavior, I pray that I would be able to respond in the same merciful and forgiving way to my children as God has responded to me, regardless of what their sin might be. Not condoning the sin, but yet loving the child. God’s demonstration of His love is what drew me back to Him. Satan is very busy pitting children against parents and parents against children in an effort to destroy families and individuals. One of Satan’s most powerful weapons is to convince us that our sexual behavior should have no boundaries. Weakened individuals equal weakened families; weakened and broken families result in a weakened nation!. Only God’s love and forgiveness can heal and restore such broken lives.

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  5. Thank you for this. Our son recently came out and told us he’s gay. My heart is broken for him, I’m angry that Satan has this grip on my son, and I feel like a failure as a mom. We have approached him biblically but he just does what he sees fit, he wears make-up and has attempted to date boys. I feel like I’m drowning and I feel desperate to change him. He is the oldest of 8 kids.

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